Home | Stories | Writing | Poetry | DID/MPD | Links | Get Help | Discussion Forums | Contact Me

Getting Help

If you've been raped or sexually assaulted, it's easy to blame or second-guess yourself. It's important to realize, though, that whether or not you fought back, whether or not you tried to escape, you survived. If you're reading this, then you did the right things for your situation.

Here are some other suggestions for recent survivors of sexual assault, or those who are in crisis right now:

• You didn't do anything to cause what happened to you. No person, no matter how they act or dress, deserves to be raped.
• Each of us deals with trauma in our own ways. Nobody should be telling you how you should be thinking or feeling or acting.
• You can heal from what happened to you. It's not an easy road, and in some ways the effects of rape will always be with you, but you can heal and learn to live again.
• While my web site contains some useful information for rape survivors, and you are free to e-mail me, I am not a trained counselor. Especially in crisis, there is no substitute for a trained professional. Your local rape crisis center can help you find the resources you need to heal.

If you are the partner/loved one of a rape victim, here are some ways you can help:

• Listen Carefully. Spend time with the survivor. Offer your assistance and a listening ear. Listen but do not pry.
• Reassure the survivor that s/he is safe.
• Help the survivor with everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning.
• Give the survivor some private time.
• Don't take anger or other feelings personally.
• Don't tell the survivor that s/he is "lucky it wasn't worse." Most survivors are not consoled by such statements. Instead, say that you are sorry such an event has occurred and you want to understand.
• Say "It's not your fault." Say it again.
• Do not press the survivor to report the crime. This decision should be made by the survivor alone.
• Avoid trying to "fix" anything. If you can simply hear and let the survivor know that you care, you will have been profoundly helpful.

Here are some excellent books for rape survivors who are ready to begin their healing journey:

• The Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
• The Courage to Heal Workbook, by Laura Davis
• Allies In Healing, by Laura Davis (for loved ones of survivors)
• Victims No Longer, by Mike Lew and Ellen Bass (for male survivors of sexual abuse)

One final word for both survivors and their loved ones - you are not alone!

If you're visiting my site looking for resources and support, and this page doesn't answer your questions, please feel free to e-mail me.